Crazy Meds: The Blog
Updates and status reports for Crazy Meds (crazymeds.us) and Straitjacket T-Shirts. Also glimpses into my boring life, usually in the form of whining about being depressed or rambling about whatever I'm doing to procrastinate and otherwise avoid doing anything useful.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
We're back up. Annoying bug still there.
I'll be doing a forum software upgrade today. Sorry about the utter lack of notice, but, given my current spate of depression, I have no idea what I'll be up for on a day-to-day basis.
The usual parameters: starting noon Mountain time, 1800 GMT, and lasting as long as it takes. How much of the fix for the most annoying bug is IPB software and how much is system maintenance makes it difficult to tell how long this will take.
Monday, May 20, 2013
My truck has a flat tire.
The tube may be punctured, or the problem in the valve stem has become worse. It doesn't matter. I can't deal with AAA or anyone else besides the people at the pharmacy and the grocery store, as they were the ones I was prepped for. I tried pumping it up, but even after jacking up the truck, inflating the tire to the point I could drive a mile and a half without fucking up anything is beyond the capacity of the bellows pump I have. Although I've used it before, for some reason the can of fix-a-flat was too complicated for me to operate.
I gave up after about half an hour. An unusually short time. Either I immediately collapse into despair or I worry at something until it's solved, I've tried every possible solution - no matter how ridiculous or unlikely they are to work - numerous times, or I finally give in to exhaustion. Whatever it is that is causing me to be wiped out after something like vacuuming or just 20 minutes of Yoga, plus the depression and depression-induced absence of appetite, reduced my usual never surrender attitude from hours (days, weeks, months, years - it all depends on what the problem is) to thirty minutes.
Lately it seems like there is nothing but obstacles in my attempts to do anything. It's hard enough for me to just get motivated to deal with my life, I'd rather completely ignore it, but when I try to accomplish the least little things some random event has to happen to make it all the more difficult. If life is a journey, why does it have to be filled with so many fucking roadblocks and detours over shitty roads through bad neighborhoods? I used to like getting lost, but that was when I had it together. More or less. Now that I'm barely functional, getting lost really, really fucks things up.
The agoraphobia and social anxiety are getting so much worse, and depression exacerbates them. My latest theory on why they suck so much more these days: it's become much more difficult for me to pass as an NT. Which is ironic, because autism, especially being in the Asperger's part of the spectrum, is socially acceptable. So I shouldn't have a problem with people knowing I'm autistic, but I must be really fucking crazy to not give a rat's ass about people knowing I'm bipolar and have been in a psych hospital. From an intellectual perspective I don't care, but in the real world I can't deal with people as I really am. I've spent so much time passing as an NT it's automatic; it would be more work to not do so in public. Either way I don't have the emotional energy to deal with people.
Looks like another day, or two, to be spent watching DVDs and dwelling on my mistakes. While I like the isolation I have, and would feel vastly more lonely were I surrounded by people in an urban area, or anywhere with a population density greater than...something more than the 5 per square mile I now enjoy, I miss a lot of things. The two I really need are food that is delivered and being able to shop at 3:00 a.m. I could theoretically drive to Missoula to shop at 3:00 a.m., and if this depression shows no sign of letting up I might just start doing that. Make that 4:30, as I don't want to be on I-90 soon after the bars close.
Assuming I ever get that fucking flat taken care of.
"The dead do not have problems." - Kai, Last of the Brunnen G. Lexx episode 4.5 "Xevivor"
Thursday, May 2, 2013
I'm trying to switch to a nocturnal schedule, just so it's not as bad when I am awake. Damage control is about all I can do.
It's one of those times. I need something completely out of my control to fix it. Some random event. Big, small, I've never been able to tell if there's a correlation between how fucked up I'm feeling and to what extent the universe's unexpected gift has to rock in order to drag me out of this pit.
Another thing that makes me feel better is running away. For someone who doesn't deal with change very well, the crisis of moving can really cheer me up. But it's not a vacation. The thought of a vacation depresses me further. I want to just run away. From everything. Just keep going north. More latitude, more altitude, and more solitude. Whenever I get profoundly lonely increasing my isolation is faster and safer. I feel like a psychic contagion. I don't want to spread the misery.
The house is falling apart. Lack of maintenance will do that. Lichens and rust are covering more and more of the trees and shrubs. The landscape of my despair is spreading outward like some miasma. All the more reason to go off the grid. Find some remote place and retreat into a the comfortable crazy of conspiracy theories. There are so many new ones to keep me entertained, and old favorites like cattle mutilations are still around.
There's not much point in continuing.
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Saturday, April 27, 2013
I feel worse today.
I fed the cats. Maybe I'll eat something. It's a good thing I did a little more retail therapy a few weeks back so I have plenty of DVDs. And lots of atlases and other reference books to browse.
A cross-quarter day is approaching. Unless something miraculously cheers me up today or tomorrow, I'm looking at a minimum of six more weeks of severe depression. Perfect timing, as it's worse during daylight hours. I should just give up on the delusion that I'll start exercising, or even do yoga again and sleep as long as possible in the morning so I can be awake as long as I can at night. If I can not beat myself up on yet another failure I can have more time each day when I'm somewhat less depressed.
I'm tired of all the pills. I'm tired of the permanent gluten-free, corn-free, legume-free, alcohol-free Lent. Right now I'm even tired of the isolation. I want a Mission burrito, I want some beer, I want to do something fun, I want my life to have meaning again, and I want someone to share it with.
The way things are now, I feel guilty about subjecting the cats to my misery.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
As for the drug coverage, AARP MedicareRx/United Health Care did tell me. Unfortunately they did so the same way they give my monthly statement, any minor update to the plan, change to their website, or similar "news" - a long e-mail with the subject "Jerod, a plan document is ready for you online" and absolutely no information in the e-mail itself about what that plan document is about. I'd have to log in, navigate the site, and read a .pdf document. They're as bad as the credit card companies with "important account information" letters containing balance transfer checks that I keep telling them not to send me.
It gets better. What to they do a week after they terminate my account? They still deduct my monthly premium. Now I have to decide if the $42 is worth dealing with their customer "service" department over the phone. It's going to be bad enough trying to find some insurance racket to pay protection money to in order to get coverage for the remainder of this year. I've been able to find all of two companies available in Montana who sell to individuals, and not a single plan that covers any of the drugs I take. So I'll be paying full retail for my meds for the rest of this year no matter what.
The best part? After taxes and everything else I'd have more money on disability than I do with Crazy Meds. Before you suggest just going ad-free, non-profit, etc. I looked into that in 2004. Aside from official non-profit status being a huge pain in the ass to do, with all the traffic Crazy Meds now gets, I can't afford to pay for a domain host to handle that load without ads or lots of grant money.
The reason I couldn't keep up on all the crap AARP MedicareRx/United Health Care was sending me is due to the amount of e-mail I get. Excluding all the stuff relating to Crazy Meds I still get more e-mail than I want no matter how many times I click on "Don't send me a fucking thing not explicitly related to a specific transaction that requires an e-mail." No wonder people are getting only five hours of sleep a night and don't get any work done, how the hell are they able to keep up with all the e-mail?
Ted Kaczynski was right. Technology makes everything worse. Says the guy who makes his living off of a website. Events like this rekindle the dream I've had for close to 40 years: to live off the grid.
I think it was Kevin Kelly who wrote an essay on the impossibility of self-sufficiency/reliance titled something along the lines of "Where Did That Hammer Come From?" An essay the Internet desperately needs. Complete self-sufficiency/reliance is next to impossible, unless you want to live at the technological level of 40,000 years ago. It's that time of year in the northern hemisphere when each day has significantly more sunlight, especially in latitudes above 40°. The bipolar objectivists should be coming out of the woodwork with their plans for John Galt's utopia, often planned for in Alaska. But who will make their fancy espresso drinks? Who will grow their food? Fix their 15-year-old cars? Where will they find temp work? It's easy for me to make fun of them, as I live in a house that's falling apart on two acres of land being reclaimed by local plants and taken over by opportunistic invaders. As much as I want to get further away from everyone and everything, I can't. In fact I need to get closer to civilization, as driving and caring for myself in general are becoming more difficult.
Maybe I'll get lucky. The icecaps could suddenly melt and civilization could come to me.
Monday, April 15, 2013
In other words, do we go back to what the place was like in 2004, more or less, but with better software?
You don't need to be a forum member to read, but you do if you want to join the discussion:
|Share your feelings:|
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
I'm also planning on doing a forum & blog software update this Sunday, 5 April 2013. It should be business as usual - starting around noon Mountain time (18:00 GMT) and lasting as long as it takes. An hour? Two? Less? Hell if I know. The rest of the site should not be affected.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
How the holy fuck is there fucking carbon monoxide in here when every fucking thing is electric? The fucking water heater, the fucking clothes dryer, the fucking stove, all of that fucking shit. My fucking lawnmower is in one of the fucking outbuildings and my fucking truck is parked next to that fucking outbuilding. I don't burn anything in the fucking fireplace because that fucking thing is only useful for those fake fucking wax firelogs. The only standard fucking source of fucking carbon monoxide would be the fucking boiler, which I fucking broke two fucking years ago! The only reason I know I have a fucking problem with fucking carbon monoxide is I finally installed a real fucking smoke alarm with a carbon fucking monoxide detector the other day and the fucker started screaming at me for no obvious fucking reason. So I look up the fucking symptoms for carbon fucking monoxide poisoning and I've had all of those fucking things for a couple of fucking months, except for the fucking nausea, but I rarely feel nauseated from the fucking flu, or fucking meds, or most fucking things that make people fucking spench all over the fucking place.
So now I'm fucking freezing because I'm leaving the fucking windows open and I'm not turning on the fucking space heaters. Those fuckers are filled with oil, so that's one potential fucking source. I've been more fucking tired and have had more fucking problems thinking clearly in my fucking office, so the fucking cheap-ass flooring I put down to replace the fucking carpeting could be part of the fucking problem. I've been waking up with fucking headaches, so something in the fucking basement could be the fucking problem. As the only thing in there is the fucking pump for the fucking well, a bunch of fucking shit I need to take to the fucking dump, and one more possible fucking source that's doing the exact fucking opposite thing of what it's fucking supposed to do: instead of trapping the fucking carbon monoxide and other fucking vapors, carbon fucking monoxide from the fucking septic tank is making its way into the fucking vapor sink (or whatever those fucking things are called), filling up the fucking basement, and moving upstairs. All contrary to how that fucking shit is fucking supposed to act. I should get the fucking tank pumped anyway. And take all that fucking shit to the fucking dump.
Friday, March 22, 2013
German atlas from 1933
I love German maps. The colors are the best. I really like the ones from the Nazi era, as the maps show the delusion that all German overseas territories lost after WWI, such as German South West Africa, now called Nambia, are still German possessions. Other than those I've yet to find any unintentional errors.
Rand McNally Atlas from 1889
This is full of unintentional errors. Facts known at the time, such as thinking the Nile was longer than the Amazon are one thing, but Sweden and Norway were still one country in 1889. It's full of diverse charts to help illustrate the facts that heavy atlases like this one are chock full of. Mostly forgotten stuff, like how Britain was once the world's largest producer of coal and steel. This one, on illiteracy in states and territories, is especially telling:
Some things never change.
As the first picture shows, there are pressed flowers and other plants saved throughout the book. I have no idea how old they are.
From the same seller I also acquired this equally heavy volume:
People's Popular Atlas from 1907
It's a lot like the Rand McNally Atlas, just published 20 years later, with fewer errors, and full of surprising things for a book published over 100 years ago. Such as classifying "Hindoos" and Arabs as Caucasians, and two essays on why you'd never want to go to war against the Russians or Japanese. As the Russo-Japanese war had just ended, including those essays isn't a non sequitur, the surprising thing was the admiration the writer has for the Japanese soldier. This book lacks the casual racism so prevalent in most of the American reference books and material I have from the 19th and early 20th centuries.
Getting those books, great procrastination material, gave me enough of an emotional boost to finish getting my tax stuff together and take it to my accountant, go grocery shopping, start cleaning up around here, and hang some more maps I've had in storage for close to ten years. Now I have all sorts of stuff to look at, trying to find unintentional errors on maps that are at least 70 years old - which has to be the world's geekiest hobby.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
I can't decide if I should try the 25 mg of Topamax every hour. Not being able to decide is a key symptom of depression. When I cycle through mania and mixed along with depressed I know I'm fucked up enough to make the cycling stop no matter where I land. When I'm like this, I'm not sure. I could stop cycling, but where? With tripolar ultradian cycling the decision is easy, euphoric mania, dysphoric mania or depressed.as.fuck is better than going through those and mixed states - I guess that really makes it quadrapolar cycling - every five to ten minutes, and I figure I stand at least a 75% chance of landing on something better. Since I figure all that extra Topamax is going to knock the mania dead as well, the odds of ending up mixed or either flavor of manic are pretty long, so it's going to be baseline or depressed, and depressed is vastly better than ultradian cycling. But now? I have no idea how I'd end up.
The extra 10mg of protriptyline is helping, but only in keeping things from getting worse.
The local Equinox is Monday. Looks like six more weeks of feeling like this. Unless I manage to decide tomorrow to try the Topamax cure for ultradian cycling. And it works.
I need to get my tax shit together. I have most of it. I'm stuck. Dealing with my life is painful.
I tried some retail therapy. I found some atlases from 1930s Germany and the USSR in the 1940s, as well as late 19th and early 20th century America. I have my eye on similar items. I picked up, all via teh interwebs of course, a CD of stuff from The Birthday Party that I didn't have and other music. I looked around for records I used to own and miss. The downside of having a bunch of vinyl worth over $100 the each means replacing a few lost items costs hundreds of dollars. More reasons to buy current music I guess.
The Missoulian had an article about the Montana Valley Bookstore - a local portal to L-space - trying to reduce its inventory so they are closer to the advertised 100,000 books. The article mentioned how the owners donated boxes of encyclopedia sets to the Missoula Library book sale. Had I known they were giving away reference books I would have been there with my own boxes in the bed of my truck. I have two full sets of the Encyclopedia Britannica, with books of the year, and various other encyclopedia, dictionaries, atlases, and other reference books going back to the 1870s. I have four bookcases, two custom-made, dedicated to non-medical reference works, and two more for medical texts. When do they publish this stellar news? Right before my birthday.
Timing is everything.
I'm slowly moving the blogrolls back from my short-lived, personal crap-only blog. The Panoply of Stupidity, Humiliation, Pain and Absurdity is up, although some of the defunct entries need to be added to the defunct list, and new sites need to be found to replace them. The medical blogrolls need editing as well.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
S 374 ISThat's it. Score one for the proponents of simple legislation.
S. 374 To ensure that all individuals who should be prohibited from buying a firearm are listed in the national instant criminal background check system and require a background check for every firearm sale.
IN THE SENATE OF THE UNITED STATES
Mr. SCHUMER introduced the following bill; which was read twice and referred to the Committee on the Judiciary
February 25, 2013
A BILL To ensure that all individuals who should be prohibited from buying a firearm are listed in the national instant criminal background check system and require a background check for every firearm sale.
Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,
SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.
This Act may be cited as the `Protecting Responsible Gun Sellers Act of 2013'.
SEC. 2. FINDINGS.
Congress makes the following findings:
(1) Congress supports and respects the right to bear arms found in the Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.
(2) Congress supports the existing prohibition on a national firearms registry.
(3) There are deficits in the background check system in effect before the date of enactment of this Act and the Department of Justice should make it a top priority to work with States to swiftly input missing records, including mental health records.
(4) If the citizens of the United States agree that in order to promote safe and responsible gun ownership criminals and the mentally ill should be prohibited from possessing firearms, it should be incumbent upon all citizens to ensure weapons are not being transferred to such people.
There is nothing to clarify how crazy you need to be before they raid your home for your spouse's guns. I actually care more about how crazy you need to be to have your mental health records in the NICS database at all. Guns aren't in the equation where I'm concerned.
There is nothing protect our privacy. Nothing to prevent a credit agency, or prospective employer or landlord from looking us up. Or any random person looking up anyone else, if you're in there or not.
Fun fact for the one or two people reading this who aren't mentally interesting: the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), AKA the Big Book of Crazy, is essentially nothing more than a bunch of billing codes for insurance purposes. Everything billed to your insurance with a code between 290 and 319 means you're nuts to a certain extent. All it takes is a transposition of a couple of numbers, a common typo, and you've gone from having secondary diabetes mellitus (ICD 249) to persistent mental disorders due to conditions classified elsewhere - generally, and permanently, crazy - (ICD 294). Could that get you in the FBI's database of potentially dangerous nutjobs? Damned if I know. The mechanism isn't spelled out.
Hey, gun show firearms dealers: stop selling guns. Sell overpriced targets, scopes, and other non-ammunition, gun-related accessories and give a coupon for a free gun, to be redeemed by a third party if necessary, as a gift with purchase. You can still sell ammo, but linking ammunition and free guns would probably get a little too close to the edge with the ATF or someobody. That may or may not work, but it's worth a try, right? I know you guys understand privacy rights.
Anyway, lobbying Congress and protecting our civil rights, such as they are, is supposed to be NAMBLA's job, right? After all, they are the ones the alphabet soup of mainstream news organizations turn to whenever something is happening that affects the lives of the mentally interesting. We crazies being incapable of speaking for ourselves when it comes to the actual issues, and not just our sob stories. So where have they been on the issue of putting our medical records on display for anyone to see? Apparently in favor of it. Take a look at this screen capture (click to enlarge) from the front page of their site (after it begs for your money):
Lax gun laws = more suicide. And what did Executive Director Fitzpatrick have to say on Face the Nation? See for yourself. He wasted most of his short period of time talking about how difficult life is for the families of us nutjobs.
I guess this is all in line with the NAMBLA mission statement:
Because mental illness devastates the lives of so many Americans, NAMI works every day to save every life.
"Every life" now meaning the lives of schoolchildren who would never be shot by the roving bands of heavily-armed schizophrenics who exist only in the minds of hack scriptwriters and similar fearmongers.
And people give me shit for the Crazy Meds forum being only for the mentally interesting and not their families / caregivers. This is one of the reasons why I have it like that.
I know life can be hell for the families of the mentally ill. I know keeping guns away from some of us is a good idea. But if you keep treating all of us like dangerous children, we're just going to live down to your expectations.
Friday, March 8, 2013
I've finally put my essay about guns and mental illness into a letter that I was going to mail to the people involved in reworking the legislation on background checks for firearms. Did I do that? Of course not. After printing 11 copies of it, stuffing envelopes, and addressing them it was too late to go to the post office. I copied it here, reviewed it, and saw several mistakes. Time for a rewrite! Of course I don't have any more envelopes large enough to contain this novel. Then I'm hit with intense apathetic depression. Now it's too late to send it by mail. It's probably too late to do any good at all. All I can do is post an abbreviated version on the websites of the Senators involved, the Senators from my state, and Vice President Biden.
So much for trying to spread the word, get a petition up on the White House website, etc.
I suck so much.
The full text of the letter I meant to send follows, mainly as source material backing up my claims, on the off chance whoever actually reads the comments posted on one or more of the websites bothers to look at it. Especially since nobody listens to crazy people on the issues that affect us, and it's so late in the process to do any good.
- Someone who is drunk.
- Alcohol consumption is responsible for a huge chunk of violent crimes.
- Especially assaults with firearms.
- While 0.3% of the schizophrenic have killed people, most of them were drunk or otherwise high on something.
- Jared Lee Loughner had a history of substance abuse and extremist politics that began before any signs of schizophrenia.
- Even living in an area where they sell a lot of booze is dangerous.
- Cocaine makes people kill as well, and other illicit drugs cause their share of problems, but alcohol is cheaper, legal, and has had way more studies published about it.
- Major Nidal Hasan is a fratricidal traitor, but not mentally ill. In spite of NPR’s best efforts to prove otherwise.
- Wade Page, who was a violent bigot, with a worldview reasonable people may have a hard time understanding, but was not mentally ill.
- Anders Breivik’s worldview is even more difficult to understand, but he is not mentally ill.
- Ali Sayed may have played far too many violent video games, but he was not mentally ill.
- Former LAPD officer Chris Dorner may have felt he had no other option in resolving the workplace problems he had, but he was not mentally ill.
- Bruce Pardo, who dressed up like Santa and, on Christmas Eve 2008, killed his ex-wife and almost all of her family, nine people in all, with a homemade flamethrower, was acting upon the overwhelming rage many people feel when you combine a messy divorce with severe financial problems. He had a plan to get to Canada, and he would have made it if he didn’t end up burning himself with his homemade napalm. He was a horrible person, but he was not mentally ill.
- The same can said for every family annihilator who kills a bunch of people he feels were responsible for getting him fired, his family, and himself.
Everything, these days, seems to be an illness. Lets boil it down. You're either worth a hoot or you're not. The cost factor of mental 'problem' treatment is a bottomless pit, and taxes are already way too high. There is no cure. Cull the herd. Historically, the T-4 program was very effective, reliable, and cost effective.
No matter what is done to determine if someone cannot own a firearm due to mental impairment, we need to remove the Category of Prohibited Persons (PCA) code, and other codes that would be deprecated by its removal (reporting agency, relationship to victim, and any I’ve overlooked), from the part of the NICS database that can be accessed by licensed firearms dealers and whoever else you decide can look at it regarding firearms transactions. Our medical records, even a summary like our diagnosis, cannot be included. The only people who should have access to the PCA and reporting agency are individuals requesting their own records. I assume someone with a domestic violence disqualification can’t see things like reporting person and their relationship, otherwise that’s a huge problem along completely different lines. Law enforcement officials are the only people who have anything close to a legitimate reason to know the entire reason why someone is not allowed to own a gun. While I don’t particularly like that either, I can learn to live with it.
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Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Coming Night pointed out some changes & errors regarding the
availability of norepinephrine-selective reuptake inhibiting
antidepressants. The changes being Strattera (atomoxetine) is now available all over the place, not just Canadia; the errors being Edronax (reboxetine) is not yet available as a generic in the UK and Ireland. So I updated the Strattera (atomoxetine), Edronax (reboxetine), and Norepinephrine-Selective Reuptake Inhibitor (NSRI) Antidepressants pages to reflect that.
- In addition to availability, I made a few other minor changes on the page about NSRIs clarifying their common attributes and relationship to TCAs.
- I was also able to dig up some information on the Catatrol (viloxazine), the original, or at least older NSRI. It’s still around, but I doubt I’ll write up anything on it.
- I also got to add SPC sheets from the UK & Ireland, and a New Zealand MDS sheet to the Strattera page, along with its shelf-life of three years.
- Instead of dealing with my life, I completely redid the Stats page. To make things easier for everyone, you can now see traffic stats from AwStats, Alexa, and whatever alternate universe version of Crazy Meds Quantcast is looking at.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Worsening secondary symptoms / side effects / WTF aren't helping. Food continues to taste weird or just lose flavor. The tremor is happening more often and is worse. My memory is crap. I shouldn't need ten hours of sleep this time of year, but that could be due to depression.
I'm trying to get all the shit together for my taxes and I froze. I thought I had been putting everything that could possibly be tax-related in a folder in my desk, but as I dug through it I couldn't find most of the statements from the insurance company that covers prescription drugs. It took me over an hour of searching before I realized I had that e-mailed to me. Which is suboptimal, as the only way to get the total for a year is navigating their crappy website and looking up all claims for a year. The only physical documentation I now have is all the receipts from the drug store. Something like that is still enough to mess with me.
Of course Google is still fucking with me. The site is all over the map, usually off it, when it comes to search results. Anything not in the top ten doesn't exist, and if it's not in the top five it's fighting for crumbs. Traffic is down, revenue is down, and that isn't helping things either. If I had a real antidepressant I'd probably be dealing with this better. Maybe.
Two more weeks until the equinox.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
I guess it's like cable/satellite TV channels. Back in the YIIKes decade, which is when TV peaked, specialty stations aired programs about whatever their manifesto stated they were about. The Hitler Channel, AKA the History Channel, was all about History - especially WWII. Now it's the Superstition, Greed, and Conjecture Channel. The main problem I have with satellite TV is how most everything has become the Miscellaneous Channel, showing the same stupid movies, stupid 'reality' shows, and syndicated repeats that have nothing to do with whatever the fuck their name is. Not enough people appreciate specialization. Fine.
I'm sorry I haven't replied to everyone's birthday wishes. I've been dealing with a bad case of depression, not wanting to talk to anyone, and anxiety over Google hating me for some reason. I've also been avoiding my life for too long, and I'm trying to deal with that as well. By procrastinating, of course. I really need a personal assistant to deal with my life.
I hope the pharmacy was able to get Roxane's protriptyline this month. The stuff from Rising is just like Barr's: acceptable, but my depression threshold is low. Although the pills themselves are pretty cool, all nice and slippery with a retro-futuristic imprint of Σ (sigma) on one side and 7 on the other.
What did I get for my birthday? Google changed their search algorithm. Crazy Meds is plummeting in search results. Again. It's April 2012 all over again. When you do a search for Cymbalta, or Wellbutrin, or Effexor, or Lexapro, or Topamax, or Lamictal, or Invega, or most any drug I have a page on, you should see Crazy Meds in the top five results. Now I'm lucky if it shows up in the top ten. Traffic was at 15,000 - 21,000 visitors a day. Now it's more like 11,000 - 19,000, with revenue down just as much. If you think that's still a shitload of people and I should be stupidly happy about it, keep in mind this is how I make a living, and one of the things I'm having a hard time dealing with is finding health insurance. Even though in Montana there are all of two companies selling insurance to individuals, trying to figure out which plan to get is daunting. No matter what I'm looking at $500 a month, or more, with no idea what meds are going to cost. And the domain host costs $5,000 a year. Don't bother telling me about how great your host is and costs so much less, even if you get 21,000 people a day, or more, visiting your site. While running resource-intensive applications like Invision Power Board and downloading a shitload of .pdf files. Lunarpages is a great domain host, and there's more to hosting a site than technology. So grossing $3,000 a month isn't as much as it seems, and I won't be making that much if the traffic and ad rates keep falling.
Where was I? So what may or may not be related to the decline of the Crazy Meds brand in Google's search results is vanishing +1 numbers and page rank status. Take a look at the Crazy Meds home page. Now look at it from this link. Notice any difference? The +1 count in the first one is 18. I don't know what it is in the second one, but it's a fuck of a lot more than 18. The +1 counts on some pages differ depending on if you look at it on www.crazymeds.us or crazymeds.us, on some pages it makes no difference, and on some pages they've just vanished no matter which version of the URL you use. If you have the Google page rank indicator plugin you'll see that the home page is unranked. It should have a rank of at least five. A couple other pages that were ranked three or four are also unranked.
This is being discussed on a Google+ Developers' G+ Community, because anyone with a website who implements the +1 button is now a 'developer'.
Google has become the corporation Dilbert works for and I get to feel as frustrated, depressed, and anxious as some code monkey trapped in a cubicle without the pleasure being able to write code any more.
Depending on how bad my need to procrastinate gets, I'll move the Panoply of Stupidity, Humiliation, Pain and Absurdity back here, along with other bits and pieces of the other blogs. Everything is miscellaneous bullshit.
Update 1: The +1 button problem apparently wasn't complicated enough. It seems like the version at www.crazymeds.us is incrementing again, although it started at 18, so as of Monday, 25 February, it's at 20 something. The count at crazymeds.us, no www, was over 200 yesterday. This morning it was at 193.
Update 2: The pharmacy didn't have Roxane's flavor of protriptyline, so it's another month of Rising.